HELLO EVERYONE,
Just like Ole and Arn Anderson, two great southern wrestlers, bellowed to the infamous Dusty Rhodes (wrestling’s “The American Dream”) ….”feel the HEAT Dusty Rhodes, feel the HEAT,” we are all beginning to feel the “HEAT” with the first days of summer upon us with reckless abandon. Even though everyone loves a good winter day with snow, blankets, wood, and all the booze one can have on a cold afternoon in January, we do have an option in the hot, sultry weather of summer!
LAKE PARTY, LAKE PARTY, LAKE PARTY!!!!!! JULY 15th.
It is that time again for the social event of the year for Hamilton County with the Club Lake Party held at Jim and Priscilla Tague’s home for maybe the last time, and we need to make sure that the entire architecture of the Tague’s home remembers this party for posterity purposes.
Please contact Bobbi Witt and tell her you are coming so we will be able to accommodate everyone with food and beverages.
Also, if you are under the care of a doctor for chronic pain, BeBe’s famous “Pain Killers,” will be available to help those that are disabled from acute, chronic, or psychological pain. Not only do we want to help take everyone on trips skiing in Europe, we do not want to, “feel your pain.” REMEMBER July 15, 2017 is the party, so put it on your calendar and please, please attend.
NOTICE
There will be NO club meeting at the Enclave for July because of the Lake party.
“………The old gray mare she ain’t what she used to be, ain’t what she used to be,…..
Recently, Pat and I had dinner with several ski club members and I must admit, it was not a pretty site. The purpose of the dinner was to exchange medical devices. I do mean real medical devices not the other things that are called devices (you know what I mean).
Nope, no one got mad, everyone was on their best behavior, but everyone was seriously hurt. Tom DuBose was recovering from a broken ankle, toe, foot, and fibula. His wife Susan broke her wrist last October at the Creeper Trail.
Dave Flowers, who we all know has pissed off a higher being in his earlier life, is a walking M.A.S.H. unit, and God bless his wife Debbie for being physically sound. However, I think she will admit she also needs some type of rehab for taking care Dave these past couple of years. I noticed her having uncontrollable jerks and blurted out improper words, similar to Tourette’s during dinner that were not a part of her makeup until she became a caretaker for Dave 24/7.
Pat, my wife, was on a cane for her knee that has been killing her most of the year and was in a lot of pain. I overdid it the day before by reaching for a cup of coffee, and almost falling to the floor from tweaking something in my back. I am not joking. I did however feel fortunate that I was able to feed myself, something not everyone else could say at the table that night, but Debbie did a good job feeding the most hurt, getting them to chew their food, and she did not spill too much on their bibs.
Pat, however was the happiest I had seen her in years. Who says a spoonful of crushed oxycodone does not make the medicine go down?
Here is the point, we are five months away from starting our ski club trips and already we are falling apart. To quote Kevin Meaney, a comedian who recently passed away, who did the most wonderful routine about his mother’s favorite phrase being, ”That’s not right,” it darn sure is not right we are all hurt and sick.
So as President of the big beautiful Chattanooga Ski Club, I would like to give everyone some helpful hints about staying physically healthy and avoiding injuries during this difficult time of year when it is just too dangerous to go outside. These are my personal helpful tips for staying healthy during the summer so we can indulge in winter frivolities are the following:
1. DO NOT CUSS YOUR SPOUSE FOR MAJOR OR MINOR TRANSGRESSIONS
This is something we all know but do not practice. Yes, we all have guns and knives in our homes, but that is not what I am talking about. Have you ever been in an argument with your spouse and shortly afterwards your spouse cooks you dinner? Have you ever noticed that after you eat the ”makeup dinner,” you catch a small case of food poisoning just like you do when you make a waiter mad at a restaurant? Digestive tract issues are totally draining and I understand a little bit of spit on mashed potatoes goes a long way.
2. NO MATTER HOW COOL THEY LOOK OR HOW GOOD YOU FEEL, STAY OFF YOUR NEIGHBOR’S HOVERBOARD
Forget about Russia, the Asian countries that make these instruments of destruction are out to destroy anyone over 40 who think they can still party with college folk and still keep up with them physically.
3. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
I can safely say that after almost 60 years of living I have never carried on a cogent conversation with my body. I have told my body some of the funniest stories and tried the best I could to engage it in helping me make life-defining choices, but it remained silent when I really needed another person around. My body has never told me anything. Basically, whenever I even tried to second guess what I thought my physique was telling me, I ate too much, drank too much, and hurt myself doing things I should not even have tried in the first place. I am familiar with the phrase, “there may not be a truthful bone in his body,” but I feel there may not be a talking one.
4. STAY AWAY FROM BOUNCY HOUSES
A bouncy house is one of those blow-up things that kids get in and jump all around on at birthday parties and playgrounds. If you are an adult and even stick your head inside one, you will get hurt. Middle Eastern terrorist are bad, but bouncy houses are worse. I do not know who makes them but I believe it is probably Al Qaeda-backed forces.
5. IF YOU GET HURT REMEMBER R.I.C.E.
R.I.C.E. after an injury stands for the following: Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation. I think this is a little much.
I would like to recommend another R.I.C.E. with just a little twist being the following; Rob Roys (generally three), Ice house highballs, Campari sodas, and Easy Alabama Slammers top off a wonderful afternoon of pain management.
Seriously, we must be careful out there. Just because we are a little older does not mean that bad things cannot happen to us because we are so much wiser now than years past. And should misfortune strike and we get sick or we become injured, let us wear our scars, casts, and mobile hardware like battlefield medals. Remember, we are in the game of living and sport. We are in the arena fighting day in and day out and we have the genetic makeup from thousands of years of development to deal with hurdles that come in our path, big or small, and go forward with jubilation.
I think the Partridge family said and sang it best many years ago when they started off their television program with the song, ”Come on get happy,” and they continued to repeat the line over and over.
”Come on get happy, Come on get happy, Come on get happeeeeeeeey!”
QUOTES OF THE MONTH
“A really strong woman accepts the war she went through and is ennobled by her scars.” Carly Simon
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election. Otto von Bismarck
See you at the next meeting!
